To be fair, as a counter to all my Varian hate, I decided to expand on my extreme distaste for Garrosh Hellscream. It’s only fair I pick on a fellow Hordie. As much as I love my faction, we are not without our toolbags.
Now, in an attempt to give Varian some depth as a character, Blizz pulled one of their famous Lore Injections via comics and some in-game RP speech that most lowbie humans will ignore when turning in quests.
But for Garrosh, there’s absolutely nothing, nothing to back the vast amounts of seething failure that spews from his mouth. Now if he was just your garden variety FOR THE HORDE, BLOOD AND THUNDER spamming NPC, that’d be one thing. But no. This guy has more unwarranted g.n.e.r.d. rage than a level 12 who walks into a WSG for the first and experiences what we call a “Twink”.
SO a look into the history of this twit:
Burning Crusade: Papa never loved me!
Wowwiki will tell you ‘Garrosh Hellscream is known as “one of the greatest heroes in the Horde”. But anybody who’s leveled through Nagrand can tell you that’s the biggest load of shit ever.
We first encounter Hellscream JR. out in Garadar, and it’s obvious within two seconds of talking to him that this guy spends his time playing the world’s smallest violin. The Mag’har have been overcoming Smallpox, courtesy of all the Azerothian settlers and their dirty cloaks. Greatmother Geyah, leader of the uncorrupted orcs of Outland, is among the dying and he’s most likely to have to take her place. Additionally, the last Garrosh heard from dear Daddy Grom was that he drank some blood and went apeshit with power, likely beating the wife and kids in the process.
But this is WoW, serioulsy, who’s father hasn’t done that?
Fact: Garrosh Hellscream has some severe daddy issues. Which is never a good thing in a world of axes and explosive magic.
There’s a lot on the guy’s shoulders. But unlike all other orcs who just club the shit out of night elves in Ashenvale to feel better, Garrosh settles with crying by a conjured fire.
Several quest lines and 3 levels later, we discover that Geyah is Thrall’s Gma. The Warcheif comes over for some tea and biscuits and replays old VHS’s from back in the day, when Grom overcame his drug addiction thirst for power and sacrificed his life to free his brethren.
Charming Orcish fire resparked, Garrosh, out of nowhere, decides not only does he have the balls to lead the Maghar, but he can also take over the world. Scratch that, take over both fucking worlds, because dammit, he’s Grom Hellscream’s son.
Thrall then offers Garrosh an Officer spot in his guild, with access to the Gbank and all. He ups and leaves the Mag’har leaderless and heads home to Org. Despite his desire to take over Azeroth, for no real reason, Garrosh agrees to work along side Thrall in attempting to create peace with humans.
One might say this was a nicely wrapped ending to his’s broken tale, and that he should be able to overcome his childhood demons and settle for a life of Blood and Thunder. Right?
Yeah, right.
Some time between the stories in the two expansions of WoW, Blizz injected some more lore involving a peace-treaty between Varian and Thrall, the closest the two sides have ever been to such a thing. The shit hit the fan when a bunch of renegade orcs, Gorona included, out of fucking nowhere, attempted to kill Varian. Having been the traitorous bitch who killed his father, Varian snapped and decided Garrosh was ugly enough to be behind it.
Garrosh, on the other hand, for some reason known only in the sixth and ninth levels of hell, assumed Varian was behind it.
Yeah, I know.
So begins the chain of stupdity that is Garrosh Hellscream’s Thought Process.
Failpoint 1: Being given a position of power within Thrall’s guild leads to unwarranted self importance.
Wrath of the Lich King: KILL THEM ALL. EVERYTHING. EVERYONE. JUST KILL THEM.
Fast foward to Lich King; In a “genuis” move by Thrall, Garrosh is sent to Northrend to command the horde forces. In a complete 180 from his slobbering mess of a life before, all of a sudden Garrosh has balls the size of Norway and is suggesting the horde just charge in to Icecrown and give Arthas an ass-woopin’ he’ll never forget. He goes as far as challenge Thrall to a duel, an epic fight that was ended early by the invasion of the Scourge (seriously, they ruin everything!).
From this point on, Garrosh continues to challenge Thrall’s leadership abilities and bares teeth with Varian at every chance he gets. The combined fury of their unwarranted hatred and constant feeding into each other’s psychosis is a current and constant thorn in Thrall and Jaina’s asses as they attempt to unite the Horde and Alliance, the sensible thing to do, against Arthas.
I pit some blame on Thrall, as well, for being too much of a wuss to admit Garrosh is a lost cause. His hardon for Grom is so intense that he continues to take Garrosh to all these events that involve Humans and Varian, knowing it’s going to end in the two trying to rip each other to shreds. And all he can say is how dissapointing he is.
WHAT?
Did he bring back straight D’s on his reportcard?
That’s disappointing.
Got caught drinking beer at the 8th grade dance?
Super disappointing!
Knocked up his girlfriend?
Very disappointing!
Trying to kill the King of Stormwind every five seconds and ruining what was likely the only chance at peace between the Horde and Alliance?
Kinda disapointing.
Or maybe Thrall secretly agrees with me that if they take each other out, he, Jaina, and Rhonin can be rid of them once and for all.
Wishful thinking, if rumors that Thrall charges Garrosh with leadership of the Horde in Catacylsm are true.
This is the same guy, remember, who weeped puppy tears at the thought of leading the Mag’Har, a force of maybe 500.
So My conclusion?
Garrosh is a whiny, impatient, bloodthirsty brat who’s worn out his “Baww, he’s just kid” welcome and has become a real threat to the stability of everything. Hot-headed, brash, and ridiculously misguided, Garrosh is unfit to lead a squad of 13 year old cheerleaders let alone the entire force of the Horde.
What should he do about his problems? Kill himself. That simple.
-Variant Izzie
